Real or not Real?
by monikiriepotter
Summary: This is my version of Catching Fire and MockingJay. What happens when Katniss comes home after the games, how will she handle her feelings for Peeta and Gale and her part in the upcoming events. Katniss X Gale X Peeta.
1. Chapter 1: The Woods

**Real or not real? This is my version of Catching Fire and MockingJay. What happens when Katniss comes home after the games, how will she handle her feelings for Peeta and Gale. I explore these characters feelings a bit deeper and I switch between Katniss, Peeta and Gale's POV. Rated M for later chapters, I decided to spice things up for them. My first Fanfic ever, I appreciate the reviews a lot! Thanks and enjoy! **

Katniss POV

It's been almost two weeks since I returned to District 12 and for the first time I'm in the woods. These woods that I love so much, the place where I feel safe, where I can be myself. The place looks the same, yet so many things have change, especially me. I easily find my bow and arrows in their usual hiding spot. I start walking to my meeting place with Gale. _Gale. _I haven't properly talked to him since I came back.

I saw him on the train station waiting to greet me when we first got back, but I had only eyes for Prim, my little sister, my little duck for whom I sacrificed myself and would do it again. After a teary welcome with lots of hugs and kisses and even some for my mother, I turned to him. I looked into his eyes, those gray eyes that look so much like mine, and I was so happy to see him, I had missed him so much. During the games I thought of him constantly, wishing he was there with me having my back as usual. Then he hugged me and whispered in my ear "Welcome home, Catnip." I didn't want to let go of the hug, but I heard Prim thanking someone, I turned and saw her hugging Peeta. Aww Peeta, sweet Peeta.

I realize he's looking at me and I'm still in half a hug with Gale and then I saw the pain in his eyes. I quickly let go of Gale, and stand awkwardly between them. Thank God Effie comes along and hurries us toward the reporters. From that moment, I had nonstop events and interviews. Everybody wants to know and congratulate the Star-cross lovers from District 12, and I had to play my part, the Games are not over yet.

While I ponder over this, I spot a small raccoon lurking in some bushes at my right. I shoot at it, straight through the eye. A clean kill, I will make a lot of people at the Hob happy. I arrive soon after to my meeting place with Gale. Today is Sunday, and I know today is his free day from working in the mines. I look around and nothing has changed, everything looks the same, and yet everything is so different, I'm so different. I sit in our boulder to wait for him, I'm very tired. I haven't sleep properly in a long time, too many nightmares, and this time there is no Peeta to keep them away. Since I admitted to be acting our romance for the cameras, he has maintained his distance whenever the cameras are not around; I guess I really hurt him.

Suddenly I feel a hand on my shoulder, and my arena instincts kick in, I grab an arrow from my quiver, take aim and then I hear the only voice that can calm me in this situation, "hey Catnip, reflexes still sharp I see" Gale says taking a step back. I relax my position, take a breath to calm down and then I do the natural thing for me to do, I hug him. He hesitates for a minute and then returns the hug.

* * *

Gale POV

Hugging Katniss Everding, I never thought that such a simple act would make me feel so many contradictory things. Happiness, sadness, lust, passion, anger, ownership, but also resentment. A part of me never wants to let her go, the same feeling of before the games, the need to keep her in my arms and protect her from The Capitol and their _games. _But another part of me wants to cut the hug short, the part that feels betrayed, the part that has grown strong since the horrible games that took her away from me, where she met _him. _The baker's son, her new _boyfriend. _That's when I let go.

She starts to smile, but the she sees something in my face and stops. She bites her lip, like she always does when she's nervous or feels awkward. I know her better than she knows herself. There is a palpable tension between us, but looking at her up close like this I notice a shadow in her beautiful gray eyes, a shadow that was not there before the games. I can also see the dark bags under her yes, she hasn't been sleeping.

I relax a bit and decide to break the silence. "What do you've got there?" she finally smiles, "while I was waiting for you I found this little friend, Greasy Sae will be happy, don't you think?" "Not as happy, as the person that ends up with the fur. Nice shot you didn't spill any blood on it". Now she really gives me one big smile, the kind of smiles that make my heart skip a beat. I know it sounds like a cliché but it's true, not that I would ever admit it to her. Although admitting his feeling apparently it worked for the bread boy. No, I won't think about him, because I will get upset again.

"And it looks like you had a productive hike as well" she says looking at the two rabbits on my belt. "Yes, well that's why we're here, isn't it? Hunting? Or now that you're a Victor you're just here tree watching?" Damn, the words roll out of my tong before I can stop them, and yes I can see the hurt in her eyes. I know I'm being unfair; she never wanted to go to the games, she volunteer just to save Prim. And all she did was try to stay alive, but still I'm jealous! Of the bread boy, of her not having to worry anymore on how to put food on her family table tomorrow, of not having to work 12 hrs a day, 6 days a week in the mines, just to be able to support my brothers, my sister and my mom! I know it's not her fault and I know if it was the other way around she would have helped my family as I would have done the same for her. Oh, how frustrating.

I change the subject, apologizing for my comment would make things even more awkward. "Here, Posy made this for you and asked me to give it to you" I give her a small knitted bracelet my little sister made from old rope; she's been doing them for everyone, her new hobby. "Thanks, it's very pretty". I put it on her wrist, and when my skin touches hers I feel an electric pulse running down my spine, and are my eyes playing tricks on me? Or did I see her blush a little? "So, what do you want to do? call it a day? I mean we have the raccoon and the two rabbits..." she asks me. "Let's check my snares and the fish net to see if we had any luck before going" I want to spend more time with her. "Ok"

We start walking and talking about everything and nothing at the same time, about my family, the people in town, The Hob, the mines, even the weather always avoiding The Hunger Games, The Capitol, the other districts and the bread boy. It almost feels normal and easy again, except that I'm extra careful about my comments.

After another 2 hours we have a very nice game, 4 fishes, 3 rabbits, 2 squirrels, and the raccoon. So we finally decide to head back to The Hob to trade it. On the way back I see a berry bush, and start going towards it when I feel her stop behind me. I turn around to ask her what the problem is, and I see her eyes wide open and a little scare, then the look turns to sadness and silent tears fall down her cheeks. I run and hug her trying to comfort her and ask her what's wrong, but she can't or won't answer. Then it dawns to me, _the berries, _the night lock she was going to use to kill herself with Peeta at the end of the games. The question again escapes my lips before I can stop it. "Why did you do it? Did you really love him that much that you couldn't live without him? Or were you doing it as an act against The Capitol?"

It's really hard for me to believe that. As far as I know she didn't had never even talked to him before the games. She has never been a _normal _girl, the kind of girl that worries about boys or feelings. That is one of the things I liked so much about her, we were more worried on feeding our families and surviving, never trying too hard to flirt or look pretty, she's naturally beautiful, no need for extra effort. And also I thought our relationship was more than just a friendship anymore, we spent so much time together and had such a connection that I thought it would be us that would end up together in the end.

Six months before the Reaping, I started looking at her differently; she was no longer that scraufy little girl, thin from hunger but determined to survive. Now she was grown up with curves in the right places, gray eyes that took your breath away and simply beautiful. Also her strong will to never give up, her strength, her concern for other and the fact that she was my best friend, my favorite person in the world it was obvious that I fell for her. I was in love with her, and then she got Reaped and I was never able to tell her. I tried to, when we were saying goodbye before she left the Justice building, but the Peace Keepers made me leave the room before I was able to get the words out. Then everything went to hell, because the bread boy said he loved her and she acted like it was mutual. That destroyed me; the first time they kissed I broke the glass I was holding, along with my heart. But I know her, I knew some of the things he said or how he touched her, made her uncomfortable. Still she risked her life, over and over again to save him.

The other rumor going around town, the one I would love to believe is that she did that as an act of rebellion against The Capitol. But I can't completely believe that either. It was always me the one that complain against our oppressors, The Capitol, not her. But maybe the games changed her opinion about politics.

She can't stop sobbing, but it looks like she is now sobbing out of anger more than sadness. Finally she manages to say "Neither! I was just trying to do what I have always done! Survive! I'm not in love with Peeta, but that doesn't mean that I was going to let him die, or even worse kill him myself! He was still a human, and a nice person and I knew him and he was from here! I couldn't have live with myself if I was here now only because I killed him, not when there was a chance we could both come back! And it wasn't a politic act either! I just wanted to get us both out of there in one piece! Why can't anyone see it? Why everyone insists it has to be one or the other? Love or war?"

Wow, apparently she had wanted to explode like that for a time now, I can't suppress a grin. "Great and now you are laughing at me, why are you laughing?" she demands, she looks really upset but I'm just happy she doesn't love him.

"So you really don't have feelings for him?" She fires up again "No! Why is it so difficult to believe? First we are in these stupid interviews and he goes and announces to the world his feelings for me before even consulting it with me! Then Haymitch says it's my best chance to get sponsors because I have a terrible personality and if it wasn't for Peeta, nobody would like me, so I have to go along with it. Then in the arena everything is so messed up and again the only chance to live is to keep playing the lovers card! And I hate it but I promised Prim I'd do everything I could to win, so I played along! And then we won, I get to come home to Prim and you! But I have to keep pretending because if they find out everything was an act the consequences..." I stopped hearing her; she said she didn't love the bread boy. It was all and act to come back to _me, _she said _me. _So I do something I had fantasied with for so long now, I shut her up with a kiss.

Her lips feel soft and warm and wonderful, she seems startle but she doesn't break the kiss. I pull way to see her reaction and say "I had to do that at least once". I look into her eyes but I can't read them. Confusion? Happiness? A little bitterness? I grab a lock of her hair in put it at the back of her ear and leave my hand resting on her cheek. And I kiss her again, this time she places her hands on my arms. She is kissing me back. I place my left hand on her lower back pulling her closer. I feel I'm in heaven, it's even better than I imagined. I can feel her body against mine and I love how it feels. This time she breaks the kiss but she's still hugging me "I missed you a lot, I thought of you all the time, wishing you were there, guarding my back, hunting with me. I feel safe when I'm with you, but there I was scared all the time" I kiss her forehead and say "you're safe now, and I not letting you go again." She blushes, pulls back and reminds me of the time. "I think we should go, The Hob closes early today"

* * *

Katniss POV 

We head back to The Hob, but before we cross the fence he turns and looks at me and gives me one last kiss. I'm surprised at this, but I like the feeling of his lips. I didn't expect to like it.

I have kissed Peeta a lot, but this feels different. Those kisses are for the cameras not for us, my heart is not in them, and must of the time I feel embarrassed to give them and not really enjoy them. Except for one kiss in the cave, a kiss that made me forget where I was or what I was doing, or the fact that we were injured and that the chances that we lived to see another day were very slim. That kiss that made me feel a different kind of hunger and I hungered for Peeta and more of those kisses.

This kiss with Gale, however, is different. It's not pretending, it's nice, soft and warm like home, but not hungry either, just _nice _and familiar. I let him kiss me, after all I assume it was difficult to him watch me make out with Peeta all this time. Not because he loves me or anything, but because we are so close to each other, I am his and he is mine. It's like watching someone play with your toys or in this case my friend. I never thought of Gale as my boyfriend after all I don't want to get married or have kids, but I do feel like I have some right over him, like I call dibs on him. That sounds ridiculous, but that's how I feel. And I guess that if I stop him from kissing me, I might push him away and I can't have that I need my best friend Gale with me. So if the price to keep him with me is to kiss him, then I'm happy to pay.

Finally he lets me go, we check for the familiar buzz that indicates the fence is electrified and when we hear nothing we cross the fence and head for the Hob. He tries to hold my hand, but I pretend to need both hands to carry the game and some flowers from the meadow. Somehow it feels weird for him to hold my hand, especially after the kissing. Also I start thinking of Peeta, and I feel a not in my stomach, like I'm cheating on him. But I'm not, well maybe to the public eye, but we are not really together it is just an act, isn't it? Although after I admitted to be acting, he was really sad, so maybe he does feel something, but do I? Oh I'm so messed up… Better not to think about this anymore and just concentrate on trading the game at the Hob.

I let him keep all the winnings from the hunting, and I even buy with my own money some stuff. Since I'm rich I always try to help a little to the people of the Hob and the Seam, most of them are too proud to take the money as a gift, so I make sure to buy from everyone at least something to help with the business. I leave Gale to finish trading, and I return home because I have to get ready for the Victor's tour. We will be leaving in three days, but my prep team is going to arrive tomorrow to get me ready. I want to spend some time with Prim before my life becomes a public affair again. But when I get home, something is wrong, there's a car outside and people in suits at the door. I get in and I find the worst person I can find ever in my home or anywhere as a matter of fact. President Snow. Something is very wrong.


	2. Chapter 2: Victory Tour part 1

**This is my version of Catching Fire and MockingJay. What happens when Katniss comes home after the games, how will she handle her feelings for Peeta and Gale? Sorry for taking so long to update but I got a little stuck. The next two chapters are from Peeta POV. Next Chapter will be more mellow and fluffy and a little more spicy. My first Fanfic ever, I appreciate the reviews a lot! Thanks and enjoy! **

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in the following story. They all belong to Suzanne Collins and her Hunger Games trilogy.**_

Chapter 2: Victory Tour part 1

Peeta POV

It's late at night, almost 3:30am and as usual I can't sleep. It's cold and yet I'm covered in cold sweat. The nightmares tonight were particularly vivid. I watched Glimmers and Cloves mutt try to rip apart Katniss while Cato hold me and forced me to watch. I know it was just a bad dream but I'm still very shaken. I get up and walk downstairs to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of water.

I look out the window toward her house. It's dark, all lights are out. From here I can see the window of her bedroom, I wish I could go over there to check on her, just to make sure she is alright and that my nightmare was in fact just a horrible dream. But I can't.

I have been avoiding Katniss since we got back to District 12. I have only talked to her when I absolutely had to, in the public appearances and interviews we had to do. I knew it had to be to good to be real, for her to be in love with me. I mean I have been in love with her all my life, but she had never really noticed me. Why should she? I'm just the baker's son, but she's a survivor. She is a hunter, strong and beautiful. A lot of boys in town have a crush on her, even if she isn't aware of it.

When the games began I was determined to do anything in my power to protect her, I just couldn't imagine a world without the girl with the grey eyes. I couldn't live without her. Then they changed the rules, and she found me and took care of me and saved my life. Even though I was hurt, I was so happy in that cave with her in my arms. When she said I had no competition anywhere, that _I, they boy that was never able to talk to her, _was the only one, my heart almost exploded with happiness.

And then we kissed... A kiss different than all the others, a kiss that now haunts me. Because now I know it wasn't real, she was just pretending. It was all a strategy between Haymitch and her to win the games. I was just a piece in their game.

I know I'm being unfair and selfish. After all she did save me, and she did risk her life for me, going into that feast on her own just to get the medicine I needed. Thanks to her I am standing here right now. But my heart broke when she shattered my illusion that she really loved me. And yet I still love her, probably now even more, having spent so much time around her.

Tomorrow starts the Victory tour, or rather today in a few hours. As if it wasn't bad enough for the Districts to watch their tributes die, they have to cheer and celebrate the one who won, or this case both of us. And we have to look at the families of the people that died or that we even killed. A constant reminder that we are all in the power of the Capitol.

On the other hand I'll be again with Katniss, two weeks together; without Gale. Her "cousin" Gale, they had to lie and say they were related otherwise our lovers' story would have fail. I mean when you look at Gale, tall, handsome, strong and always around Katniss you can't help to think there is something going on. I think so myself, and I'm so jealous of him. I have been always jealous of him, of his relationship with Katniss, their closeness, her obvious favoritism towards him. In school I always wished I could talk to her like he did. I don't think I am a shy person, I'm usually surrounded by friends and I'm very sociable. But with Katniss I could never muster the courage to talk to her. Until the games…

I give up on the idea of going back to bed; the nightmare is still too fresh. Portia and the rest of the prep team are arriving at seven to get me ready for the cameras. Katniss team arrived yesterday; I guess girls need more time to get ready. I go into the room I use as a studio. I live alone in the Victors house, my family preferred to stay in the house above the bakery.

The house has five bedrooms, so I use one of them as a painting studio. All the victors are supposed to develop a talent, mine was easy. I used to never have material to actually paint, so I used to decorate the cakes. But now I can actually afford real paints and canvas. Most of my paintings are of my nightmares, or of Katniss or both. I pick up a blank canvas and start sketching my latest dream. I put especial effort in the eyes of the mutts.

It's almost seven when I finish the sketch, and I was about to start the colors when someone knocked on my door. My prep team is punctual as always. It doesn't take them very much time to get me ready, their only challenge was to hide the dark marks under my eyes. Portia gets my clothes out, "you will look very handsome, Katniss won't be able to take her eyes off of you". Oh, I wish that was true. I smile and say "Thanks Portia, as always you have great taste."

Around noon I'm dressed in a deep grey pants, black shirt and blue tie and grey coat. My blond hair and blue eyes are even more featured due to this outfit. I hear the cameras outside and I know it's time to get the show on the road. I open my door and walk outside I can see Katniss doing the same, she looks really beautiful in a white coat, her dark hair in that signature braid I like so much. She is wearing makeup, and looks really attractive although I prefer when she's not wearing any.

She turns and looks at me and a huge smile spreads on her face, it takes my breath away. I can't stop myself and I return the smile. Is she really happy to see me? I know she is not that good an actress, maybe she missed me a little.

She starts running towards me and I catch her in the air and we spin. I slip and we both fall down to the cold snow. Then she kisses me, it's the first time we kiss in a while. Now I know she is doing it for the cameras but she is still kissing me, and I love this girl with all my heart so I kiss her back and just enjoy the moment. She pulls back laughing and helps me back on my feet. She grabs my arm and the tragic lovers show is back on.

Later that night, I'm alone in my room at the train and I change out of my clothes, take a shower and put some pajamas I found in some drawers. I lie down on my bed when someone knocked on the door. "Come in" who can be at this hour?

"How are you holding up kid?" Haymitch asks, walking in and sitting at the end of my bed. "Ok, why do you ask?"

"Well, I know you were upset to find that Katniss' feelings for you were not what they appeared to be. But I'm pleased on how you acted this morning. I know it is not easy." Haymitch looks genuinely concerned. "Also don't give up on her just yet; she likes you more than she will even admit to herself. You can win her, just be yourself when the cameras are not rolling." And with that cryptic advice, he stands and leaves my room.

I can't sleep, what news. On one hand the nightmares, and on the other the talk with Haymitch. What did he mean with 'you can win her'? Did he mean we can actually have a real relationship? She actually has feeling for me? I would love nothing more than that. I guess I have been too tough on her, after all I knew she was close to Gale and now I'm acting like a hurt lover when I never had the guts to make a move. She saved my life and I have to be grateful about that. Tomorrow I'll try to make things better; I'll do what Haymitch said and try to win her over. I'll start by trying to be her friend. I'm not sure that will be possible with everything that has happened to us, but it is just that the thing that brings us close together. We suffered the same, we have that in common. With that in mind, I spend the last hours of the night.

The next morning Katniss is not at breakfast because her prep team needs more time to get her ready, I don't know why she is beautiful just the way she is. She joins Cinna, Portia, Haymitch, Effie and me for lunch and she seems upset about something. The train breaks down and they said it will take about hour to fix it. Effie starts going about how that will screw up our tight schedule, when Katniss gets up and shouts that nobody cares about that and storms out.

Haymitch and Cinna get up to go after her, but I say I'll do it. I find her sitting out side the train, caressing the weeds with her hand.

"I'm not in the mood for a lecture," she spits out. She's really upset. "I'll try to keep it brief." I tell her and I sit down next to her. "I thought you were Haymitch," she tells me.

"No, he's still working on that muffin." I'm trying to get comfortable, but my artificial leg makes it difficult. She is looking at me so I ask her "Bad day, huh?" "It's nothing," she replies. We keep quiet for a minute. Ok, I guess this is my chance to make things better; now or never so I take a deep breath and begin.

"Look, Katniss, I've been wanting to talk to you about the way I acted on the train. I mean, the last train. The one that brought us home. I knew you had something with Gale. I was jealous of him before I even officially met you. And it wasn't fair to hold you to anything that happened in the Games. I'm sorry."

She looks surprised, but at least I got it out, I hope she is not angry with me for being cold and distant with her the last weeks. "I'm sorry, too," she replies.

"There's nothing for you to be sorry about. You were just keeping us alive. But I don't want us to go on like this, ignoring each other in real life and falling into the snow every time there's a camera around. So I thought if I stopped being so, you know, wounded, we could take a shot at just being friends," I tell her.

"Ok" she replies, and she smiles a little. That brings me a little confidence. So I ask her what's wrong. She looks away and doesn't answer. I guess I should start with an easier question, gain her trust and then ask her to confide in me. I try again.

"Let's start with something more basic. Isn't it strange that I know you'd risk your life to save mine ... but I don't know what your favorite color is?" she gives me a crooked smile and answers "Green. What's yours?"

I tell her orange. She looks surprised again, "Orange? Like Effie's hair?" she asks.

"A bit more muted," I reply "More like ... sunset."

"You know, everyone's always raving about your paintings. I feel bad I haven't seen them," she says. "Well, I've got a whole train car full, come on" I get up and offer her my hand. She takes it and we entwine our fingers. It feels so natural and _right. _So we walk back to the train hand in hand and I can't help to feel happy.

She asks me to wait while she apologizes to Effie. Then I take her to the car that holds my paintings. She looks shocked when she sees them, so I ask her opinion.

"I hate them," she says. "All I do is go around trying to forget the arena and you've brought it, back to life. How do you remember these things so exactly?"

"I see them every night," I tell her. Most of my work reflects the nightmares, the nightmares of the arena.

"Me, too. Does it help? To paint them out?"

"I don't know. I think I'm a little less afraid of going to sleep at night, or I tell myself I am," I reply. "But they haven't gone anywhere."

"Maybe they won't. Haymitch's haven't" she points out.

"No. But for me, it's better to wake up with a paintbrush than a knife in my hand," I say. "So you really hate them?"

"Yes. But they're extraordinary. Really. Want to see my talent? Cinna did a great job on it."

I laugh at that comment. She didn't have a real talent other than haunting, or maybe singing but she didn't want to parade that for The Capitol, so Cinna designed her clothes so she could say she was interested in fashion. I tell her I will look at them later. "Come on, we're almost to District Eleven. Let's go take a look at it."


	3. Chapter 3: Victory Tour part 2

**Real or not real?**

**This is my version of Catching Fire and MockingJay. What happens when Katniss comes home after the games, how will she handle her feelings for Peeta and Gale? **

**I'm soo sorry for taking so long to update but my normal life got extra busy. But don't worry I'm updating two chapters. **

**My first Fanfic ever, I appreciate the reviews a lot! Thanks and enjoy! **

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in the following story. They all belong to Suzanne Collins and her Hunger Games trilogy.**_

_Chapter 3: Victory Tour part two_

Peeta POV

We've been on the Victory Tour for almost 2 weeks now, spending a day and a half in each district and another half going from one district to another.

After the problems in District 11, all the other districts are very calm almost I would almost consider them boring if I didn't know the stakes and how high are them.

I remember what happens on our visit in District 11 where you could cut the tension with a knife. I made a passionate speech about Thresh and Rue and promise their families a part of my winnings as a Victor to compensate their loss, and Katniss kissed me for that. A kiss that didn't feel staged.

After that we were getting ready to leave the stage when she turned back to express her gratitude to the families of Thresh and Rue, for their sacrifice and for the bread they send her.

The next events surprise all of us. An old man whistle a four-note tune, the one Katniss and Rue used to communicate with each other during the games. Then everybody at unison pressed their three middle fingers to their lips and then extended them to Katniss, just like in the Reaping. They offer her a salute of deep respect and love.

I am very touched, but Katniss seems nervous at the gesture. The mayor takes over the speech and we acknowledge a final round of applause. I lead her back inside, but she stops midway.

"Are you all right?" I ask her.

"Just dizzy. The sun was so bright," she answers "I forgot my flowers" she mumbles.

"I'll get them," I tell her, but she says she can do it herself.

I'm still not sure she is completely all right so I go with her. That's when we see how a pair of Peacekeepers drag the old man who whistled to the top of the steps and shooting him right on the head.

I'm stunned, why did they do that? Then more Peacekeepers appear and start pushing us back inside. One of them pressed his weapon against Katniss. That snaps me back to my senses.

"We're going!" I yell him, and I shove him to get him away from Katniss. "We get it, all right? Come on, Katniss." I put my arms around her and get her back inside.

Everybody is inside and they all look worried. They start questioning us about what happened. Effie is the most anxious one, so I assure her "Nothing happened, Effie. An old truck backfired." But then we hear two more shots.

"Both of you. With me," says Haymitch. So we follow him, right to the dome of the Justice Building.

"What happened?" he asks. I tell him what happened. "What's going on, Haymitch?"

"It will be better coming from you," Haymitch says to Katniss. I turn and look at her. She takes a deep breath to calm herself.

"Before the tour began, President Snow came personally to my house to talk to me" what? Snow? In District 12? In Katniss' house?

"Why?" I ask her. "To warn me or better say to threaten me" she says.

"What?" what is she talking about?

"I think you should start at the beginning sweetheart" Haymitch advise her.

"Ok, everything began with the berries at the end of the games; I told you they weren't happy about it. So I had to convince everybody I did it because I was deeply in love with you." she says.

How can I forget? She doesn't love me. It is just an act to her. Pain must show in my eyes, because she looks away before continuing.

"Apparently I have done a good job with the people in the Capitol, but it looks like the people from the districts are not convinced. They think what I did, was an act of defiance against The Capitol and they are unrest. There has been some turmoil in some of them. Snow is afraid of an uprising and this may turn into a revolution. He says I turned careless, that I forgot to keep playing my part of the District 12's star crossed lovers when we got back home. He told me that I have been spending too much time with Gale. He knew I have been going hunting with him every Sunday, he knew he kissed me. He told me he would kill him if I didn't help him" she says.

So it's true, my worst fears confirmed. She loves Gale. I knew she spent time with Gale. It is public knowledge they hunt together every Sunday. But finding out they kissed, it was a stab at my heart. I don't say anything, so she continues.

"And he would even kill our families, and even you and Haymitch. Only leaving me alive, he didn't want to turn me into a martyr and 'add more fuel to the fire'. And now thanks to my trick to keep us alive, we are all in danger of dying" She takes a breath and looks at Haymitch. He nods and she carries on a little shaken.

"I was supposed to fix things on this tour. Make everyone who had doubted believe I acted out of love. Calm things down. But obviously, all I've done today is get three people killed, and now everyone in the square will be punished." She finishes, she looks even more shaken, so she sits on an old couch on the corner of the room.

"Then I made things worse, too. By giving the money," I tell her. I'm so angry.

So Haymitch knew all along? They were always planning behind my back. After all we've been together she still doesn't trust me? Why? Haven't I made it clear that I would die for her? And yet they leave me out of something this important. And thanks to that ignorance, I've probably condemned the Thresh's and Rue's families.

I pick a lamp from a crate and smash it across the room to release some frustration.

"This has to stop. Right now. This — this—game you two play, where you tell each other secrets but keep them from me like I'm too inconsequential or stupid or weak to handle them." I spat at them.

"It's not like that, Peeta…" she starts.

"It's exactly like that!" I yell at her. "I have people I care about, too, Katniss! Family and friends back in District Twelve who will be just as dead as yours if we don't pull this thing off. So, after all we went through in the arena, don't I even rate the truth from you?"

"You're always so reliably good, Peeta," says Haymitch. "So smart about how you present yourself before the cameras. I didn't want to disrupt that."

"Well, you overestimated me. Because I really screwed up today. What do you think is going to happen to Rue's and Thresh's families? Do you think they'll get their share of our winnings? Do you think I gave them a bright future? Because I think they'll be lucky if they survive the day!" I pick another ornament, a crystal vase, and shatter it.

"He's right, Haymitch," Katniss says. "We were wrong not to tell him. Even back in the Capitol."

I knew it they always had a plan behind my back. How stupid I was; feeling happy that we survived. Deluding myself with the idea that she loved me and all the time I was just a piece in her own private game.

"Even in the arena, you two had some sort of system worked out, didn't you?" I ask them. "Something I wasn't part of."

"No. Not officially. I just could tell what Haymitch wanted me to do by what he sent, or didn't send," she replies.

"Well, I never had that opportunity. Because he never sent me anything until you showed up," I tell her.

I feel angry, and a little resentment against our mentor. I know it's unfair, since it was my idea to save her. I asked him to do everything he could to keep her alive, not me. Still, right now I'm upset and I don't care about being fair.

"Look, boy—" Haymitch begins.

"Don't bother, Haymitch. I know you had to choose one of us. And I'd have wanted it to be her. But this is something different. People are dead out there. More will follow unless we're very good. We all know I'm better than Katniss in front of the cameras. No one needs to coach me on what to say. But I have to know what I'm walking into," I say.

"From now on, you'll be fully informed," Haymitch promises.

"I better be," I demand them. And with that I leave the room, not looking at either of them.

I go to the room they prepared for me. I sit at the bed and put my face in my hands. So that's it.

She doesn't love me, she doesn't even trust me. She loves Gale. She is worried they will kill him. So that's why she was extra caring at the beginning of the tour. For _him, _not because she missed me like I thought. My heart breaks a little more.

I decide to take a shower to clear my head and stop myself from breaking down. When I get out of the shower I find Haymitch sitting on my bed.

"You shouldn't have shouted at her like that" he starts. What? Seriously? Is he here to scold _me_ for hurting _her_ feelings? He sees what I'm thinking and continues before I have time to explode.

"She was only acting as I told her, she wanted to tell you but I didn't think it would be a good idea. It was obviously a mistake and I'm sorry. But the damage is done; now we have to try and make it better, before we all end up death." He says. I'm about to answer him back, but he stops me with his hand.

"Look kid, you keep things from her as well. Like your plan to sacrifice yourself for her and how you confessed your feelings in national T.V. Now I know you are also upset of finding out about Gale. But now it's not the time to act as the jealous boyfriend; take advantage of the time you have alone with her. The battle is not over yet." he tells me.

I'm taken aback by his words. "She doesn't love me, she loves him" I spill out.

"You can't be sure about that, and a kiss doesn't mean a thing. Or are you really going to give up on the one that you say it's the love of your life so easily?" he says. The he gets up and grabs my shoulder on the way to the door saying, "what's wrong with some competition?" then he leaves me to my thoughts.

My prep team enters and starts getting me ready for the reception and the dinner afterward. While they blabber, I ponder over Haymitch's words. He's right. I have kept things from Katniss, and I do love her more than anything in the world. I'm not ready to give her up just yet; I can't imagine my life without her anymore. Losing her would make my life not worth living.

So, what if there is something going on with Gale? I always thought there was something there anyway. He may be his best friend, but we have a strong connection as well, or at least I think so. There have been some kisses that seem deeper, that are not for the cameras, where I felt Katniss in a different way.

Haymitch is right; I'm not ready to quit. I will win her over and I will make her mine. With that in mind, I need to apologize and start over.

Feeling better I join the conversation with my team. Time flies by and the next thing I know I'm standing on top of the stairs waiting with Katniss to make our grand entrance. I break the silence.

"Haymitch says I was wrong to yell at you. You were only operating under his instructions," I say. "And it isn't as if I haven't kept things from you in the past."

"I think I broke a few things myself after that interview." she replies. I remember how she shoved me last year after the interview with Caesar Flickerman where I told everybody I loved her. I fell on top of an urn and injured my hands.

"Just an urn," I say.

"And your hands. There's no point to it anymore, though, is there? Not being straight with each other?" She replies.

"No point," I agree. I seize the opportunity; after all she has just agreed to be honest with me. "Was that really the only time you kissed Gale?"

She looks startle, but she answers "Yes."

Some of the pressure that was oppressing my heart, since I heard about the meetings with Gale, lifts. "Ok, let's do this," I say. I take her hand and we go to the banquet.

* * *

That was two weeks ago. The appearances at Districts 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, and 5 were uneventful. Every ceremony is the same. We greet the crowds, listen to speeches and give our own. Only this time they are the official ones, the approved ones from the Capitol. Then we attend the special dinners at the Justice buildings and then we move on to the next District. There was tension in some of them, especially in district 8. But we played our part rather well I believe.

All day we look inseparable and at the banquets we are extra loving with each other. Dancing, kissing, always holding hands and looking happy. We even once tried to sneak to be alone and pretended to be caught.

Confusion again played with my mind. I know she is faking. I know it's not real, but I can't help my heart to leap every time she hugs me or smiles at me. Or the tingles I feel every time she holds my hand or the flames that heat all my body every time she kisses me.

I'm scared for our futures, for our safety. There is so much at stake, and so much depends on this tour. And yet, I can't help to feel happy just to be able to spend all this time with her.

Her presence is intoxicating and I'm deeply in love with her. I enjoy our days together, but even more our nights.

I can't sleep anymore. The nightmares are even worse. I picture the districts as arenas, then Gale holding Katniss while laughing at me in the middle of the square. Then the old man from District 11 whistles and the Peacekeepers shoot Katniss and kill her in front of my eyes. I wake up cover in sweat and close to tears.

So instead of sleeping, I spend my nights roaming the train and painting. It helps to calm me down, and separate the dreams from the reality.

One night after District 8, I was walking back to my room when I heard her. She was screaming in her room. My soul dropped to my feet, I was so scared something happened to her so I stormed in. I was relieved to see her safe in her bed. She was just having a nightmare.

"Katniss, Katniss, wake up. It's just a dream, wake up" I say. She wakes up, looks at me and throws herself into my arms and starts sobbing.

"Oh Peeta, everybody was dead. Because of me all of them died!" she shrieks.

"It's ok, it's ok. Just a bad dream. I'm here" I whisper to her hair. After a while she calms down. I stay a while longer holding her.

"It will be dawn soon. I better get back to my room." I say trying to get up. But she holds my hand and stops me. "No, please don't go. Don't leave me" she pleads and pulls me into the bed with her.

"Of course," I say and kiss her head. I can't refuse her anything. Not that I want to, staying with her and having her at my side is all I ever want in my life. I put my arms around her, and eventually we fall to sleep.

Every night since that one, I go into her room and I hold her until she falls to sleep. Even I get some sleep now. My nightmares still visit me, but since I wake up and I see that she is in my arms safe and sound, I can drift back into sleep.

One morning we leave her room to go to breakfast and we find everybody gossiping about our nights together. When they see us, Effie says "Katniss, Peeta, it has come to my attention that you have been spending the last few nights together" she looks at us, and we try to look embarrassed, even though I don't feel like that at all.

"I know that you kids are in love, but you are still young. And you are under my care. What would your parents think if they found out? That kind of behavior is very bad manners, and I know you can behave better" she says.

I feel Katniss stifle a laugh but manage to pass it as a cough. "We are really sorry Effie. From now on we will be more discreet. We promise to be on our best behavior and in our own rooms" I apologize.

But that night, when I was going to my room Katniss grabs my hand "Where are you going?" she asks. "To my room? Didn't I promise it to Effie?" I say. "No, you are staying with me." she says. And with that she pulls me to her room where I have spent every night since.


	4. Chapter 4: The beach

**Real or not real?**

**This is the first chapter of why I ratted the story M. I appreciate the reviews and opinions on my mature writing. Thanks and enjoy! **

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in the following story. They all belong to Suzanne Collins and her Hunger Games trilogy.**_

_Chapter 4: The beach_

Katniss POV

Cinna, Portia, Haymitch, Effie, Peeta and I are eating breakfast on the dining car one morning. It's rather warm outside. Suddenly Peeta gets up and points through the window.

"Look Katniss, the ocean!" he says. I get up and peer through the window next to him. I've only seen the ocean in the T.V. It is really pretty. I let out a low "wow" that makes Peeta smile.

The visit in District 4 is the same as all the others. We ride through the district, accept ovations and speeches. Then we say our own Capitol approved replies. Afterwards we change and we have dinner and attend a ball, only this ball lasted to almost three in the morning. Then we return to the train to move on.

We have barely left the district when the train breaks down. Apparently something is wrong with the engine. But this time it will take them almost a day to get it fixed, because they need a spare piece that needs to be brought from district 6.

It's very late so they asked us to remain in the train. Peeta and I spend the last few hours before dawn trying to sleep, but we can't manage it, the night is too warm.

After breakfast, Effie starts complaining about how the schedule is messed up again. So before I snap back at her and get annoyed, I get up and excuse myself. I start wondering and my feet carry me to the car where my supposed designs are kept. I feel someone behind me, it is Peeta.

"What are you doing? Did you have the sudden urge to design a new line of clothes?" he jokes. I laugh. "Oh yes, if I don't express my talent in this minute I might explode," we both laugh.

I like this Peeta, the kind and funny Peeta whose mere presence always calms me.

"So, apparently we have a day off. What do you want to do?" he asks. "What? So you want to spend the day with me?" I'm surprised, I would guess he was getting tired of me.

"Yes, of course" he simply answers. "Have you looked out the window, we are on a beach."

I look pass him, and he is right. We are on a beautiful white sandy beach, and a little farther you can see a turquoise ocean spreading as far as the eye can see. "That's really pretty" I say.

"Yes, it is. I was thinking we could sneak out of the train and spend the free time on the beach." he says.

I'm a little surprise at the idea; I didn't picture Peeta as the sneaking kind. Back home he always stayed in the limits of District 12 like a good boy.

He confuses my look because he says, "don't worry I told Haymitch, they will come looking for us when the train is fixed. They won't forget us, and they won't think we are running away, so we won't be in more trouble with the Capitol. Also the beach is outside the limits of District 4, so we won't run into any people."

I hadn't even thought of that. I don't care if they forget us, I would love to run away and rid myself from the Capitol. But I would never do that to Prim. But I would like to spend some time on the beach and I'm glad they won't consider that as another act of rebellion.

"Ok, I think that would be nice." I say. He smiles and grabs my hand. We are almost at the door of the train, when I remember something and stop. "Wait, I have an idea." I tell him.

I run to my room and I pull out of one drawer a swimsuit I remember to have seen there. It's a two piece, white swimsuit with a small green flower printed on it. I put it on and then I throw on a yellow strapless dress that goes down to my knee. I never wear dresses on my own free will, but I can't find shorts and it's too hot to wear pants. I also grab a towel.

On my way out, I pass the dining car again and I grab some food and put it in a basket. Some cinnamon rolls, a pair of cheese croissants, an apple and a pear, and some grilled lamb. I also grab a pair of sodas and a bottle of water.

Peeta is still waiting by the door with a puzzled look on his face. "I went to get a towel so we can lie down at the beach." I say. "And I thought we could also eat outside, like a picnic."

"Oh, great idea." he says and gives me a big smile. He grabs the basket with his left hand and the takes my hand with his right and leads me off the train.

We walk for about 5 minutes and pick a spot between the ocean and the train, next to a dune of sand that protect us from prying eyes that might look out the train.

Peeta spreads the towel and we sit. He puts his arm around me and I lean in. The sand feels so soft and even though it's warm, the breeze coming from the ocean feels delicious.

Peeta starts caressing my arm with his hand. I look at him and I find myself looking directly to his eyes. He has really beautiful eyes, blue just like the ocean in front of us. Well, maybe a little deeper.

I decide I really like his eyes, but the way he is looking at me is a little uncomfortable. His look is almost like adoration, like he is looking at the most beautiful thing in the world. That is definitely not me. I don't deserve this look.

So I try to start a normal conversation. "Tell me about you, about your house." I tell him. "How was it like growing up with two brothers?"

"Well, sometimes it was fun, sometimes it was hell. There was a time when I was about eight, my brother Troy was ten and Leo was eleven that we got along great. We played a lot, and do almost everything together. They used to take care of me, for example if my mom was hard on me or I was punished and had less to eat that day, they would save some of their own dinner for me." he tells me, I smile at that.

Yes, brothers should look out for one another just like me and Prim.

He continues, "But then we grew up. My bothers had to help more out with the bakery but they didn't like it. So they were in constant fights with my parents. Leo started a relationship with the Taylor's daughter and started to help out in their shop instead of ours. Troy spends most of his time with his friends, and just going to school. Sometimes he helps out on the counter but never near the ovens. So it was my job to help out my dad to bake the bread. I didn't mind, I quite enjoy it specially doing the cakes." he says smiling.

"But it was not an easy job. I had to get up every day at four to start making the bread so it would be ready at opening time. Then after school I had to prepare the ingredients for the next day and help clean the kitchen at night." he continues, "I was tired most of the time, but then there was the fighting between my brothers and my dad. My mom was always on my brothers' side, and somehow I ended up always as the bad guy. Not sure how, though."

He sights, "it has gotten better since I became a Victor, though. Now I have money and my dad was able to hire some help for the bakery. Now I only have to bake when I feel like doing it."

I'm surprised; I always thought he had an easy life, well as easy as you can have it in District 12. I hold his hand and I start playing unconsciously with his fingers. Then I notice a scar in the shape of a half-moon between his thumb and index finger. I'm curious; at the Capitol they erased all the scars from the arena.

"How did you get this?" I ask him. "Oh, I got it from the hot oven. They erased more of my scars at the Capitol, but with baking you always get new ones." he says.

We see a seagull fly by and it reminds me of a song my dad once sung me about the ocean. I start humming the tune. Peeta looks at me. "Would you sing to me?" he asks.

"I don't really sing anymore." I say. "Please?" and he looks at me with pleading eyes.

I sight and I sing him a verse of my father's ocean song. When I finish I turn to him and he takes my hand again between his fingers and I stare into his eyes. His blue eyes look almost tearful, but intense at the same time.

Then he lets go of my hand and catches a strand of hair and places it behind my ear. He keeps his hand on my cheek and then he presses his lips against mine. It's the first kiss he gives me without any cameras around.

I feel the fire awake inside me. The same fire I felt once on the cave. I feel a hunger for Peeta. A need to get more of Peeta. I kiss him back. But that still doesn't seem enough; the fire gets even more intense. So I trail my tongue on his lips asking for entrance.

He doesn't deny me. He opens his mouth and deepens the kiss. I love the feeling of his tongue against mine. I move my hand to his arm and I'm amazed by the size of his bicep. I knew Peeta was strong, but I was not aware of his muscles, at least not like this.

We break the kiss and stare at each other. We are both having trouble catching our breath. He smiles at me and I return the smile. Something in his smile reminds me of Gale, suddenly I feel confused. I start to think about it, but I don't like the feeling so I stop myself.

I won't think about it right now. I decide I will think about it tomorrow. All I know right now is that I want to kiss Peeta again. So I lean over for another kiss. But right when our lips touch, the seagull that flew by a minute ago lands next to us and our basket of food.

Peeta shoos it away, but it ignores him and tries to take away a cinnamon roll. We both laugh. "If I had my bow, we could eat seagull for dinner." I tell him.

"I'm not sure I would like the flavor, I prefer the lamb we have here." he says. "Or maybe even some fish; I'm not a big fan of birds. Not since the groosling from the arena."

I don't want to talk about the arena, so I change the subject. "Do you want to go for a swim? I'm really hot and I would love to cool down in the water." I tell him.

"I don't know how to swim, but you go I'll wait for you here. Also I think that if we leave the basket unattended, we will end up with no lunch." he replies smiling.

"Ok, I won't take long." I get up. Pull off my yellow dress and drop it on the towel. Then I walk the 10 steps that separate us from the water and I get in. There are hardly any waves, so it feels more like a lake than an ocean.

The water feels amazing, it is cool enough to fresh me up, but it is still warm so I don't get goose pumps. I walk a little deeper and start swimming like my father taught me in a small lake when I was little.

* * *

Peeta POV

I'm lying down on the towel and I play with the sand underneath my fingers. I close my eyes and enjoy the effect of heat of the sun and the cool ocean breeze on my face. I play close attention on my breathing and try to calm myself.

Today has been the perfect day. I can't believe it, it seems like it is a dream. It has been too good to be real. But it has been real and I wish it would never end. A day alone with Katniss, alone with Katniss without cameras around, what more could I wish for?

No pretending, no agenda, no one trying to kill us, well at least not at the moment. And neither of us is injured. We are actually enjoying each other's company. I feel like a hot air balloon that might float away with happiness.

Getting to know each other is great. I really enjoy talking to her, although right now I wish I could do a lot more than talking. The things that cross my mind actually don't require any talking at all. I'm in love with this girl, and obviously I'm attracted to her.

Also I am only a teenage boy. Maybe I have matured faster because of the Games, but my body is still that of a horny teenage boy. And today she should be arrested; because of the effect she has on me, should not be allowed.

Since I saw her on the train, after she went to change, I was speechless. She never looked more beautiful. So natural and simple and cute. That dress let me appreciate just the right amount of skin while letting my imagination fly on what was _underneath. _

I stop myself from going in that direction. With a blush I realized I was starting to feel my arousal against my leg. No, I must behave myself. I tried to think of something else, something that could occupy my mind. I think of an old recipe to make raisin bread. Ok, yes that did the trick, at least for the moment.

Then came the kiss. Our first kiss, a kiss that was our own; just for us not the public of Panem. But the kiss was filled with desire. Oh how much I wanted to touch her and carry things further. But no! I'm going to behave myself. I don't want to scare her away, not when I finally have her!

But then _she _is the one who deepens the kiss. _She _is the one that starts moving her hands over my arms, holding me tight! Not that I was going to move obviously.

Once again I find myself hard, I turn my hips away from her so she can't notice. I try to distract myself, but it's useless. All I can think about is the girl in my arms, and the fact that all she is wearing is a thin, yellow, strapless dress.

We break apart and a stupid seagull distracts us. But it's ok, I need to regain my composure before we start things up again, which I hope we will. Then she suggests to go swimming, how even does she know how to swim? In 12 we don't have any pools.

But I guess she is _Katniss. _The girl on fire. The girl who can hunt. The most amazing girl ever, of course she can swim. Maybe there are lakes or streams in the woods where she might have learned.

I don't want to look like an idiot, so I decline her offer and decide to wait for her. Also I could use a few more minutes to recover myself.

But I soon realize that ship has gone. She gets up, pulls her dress off and throws it next to me. She is left in a small white bikini. My mouth falls open and stays open.

I watch her walk to the ocean and get in. Well not _her, _exactly. I stare at her ass. She has a great ass, and her breasts are just unbelievable. The clothes she normally wears tend to hide her curves. And in the tour her look has been _innocent_ just like at the end of the Games. Never _sexy. _

But now that she is wearing only that! I'm again painfully reminded by the erection pressing on my leg that she is hot! Extremely hot!

I try in vain to make it go away, so instead I try to figure out a way to do something about it. I can't just start pleasuring myself right here! But I can't let her come back and find me like this!

Maybe if I get in the ocean the cold water will help. No! That will only get me closer to her. Then I remember there are some cold drinks in the basket. I find a bottle of water, well it might help. I pour it over myself, it was still cold so it helped a little, but I'm still hard and now I'm wet.

I take my shirt off so it can dry in the sun. I'm left only in my caqui shorts. I decide to entertain myself by getting ready lunch. She will probably be hungry after the swim.

It will be nice for her to find that lunch is ready, right when she gets out of the ocean all wet. No! Stop! Don't think about her wet! She only brought one towel though; she won't have anything to dry off with.

The weather is very warm though, she might just dry off if she just lie in the sun. Lie in that very small white bikini in the sun. Next to me, within the reach of my hand that could start caressing her skin... No! Stop... Damn too late, I am again so hard it hurts.

I decide to give up and I place my shirt over my obvious arousal to try to hide it a little. I let out a resigned groan and reached into my pants, but of course my luck. Right in that moment she emerges like a sea goddess from the water and makes her way to me.

Damn she looks even better than in my stupid fantasies. Her braid is undone so her hair falls in little waves around her face. She looks so beautiful. I bit my lip hard in a desperate attempt to control myself. I make sure my shirt covers me up and I say "hi! How was the water?"

"Really nice, the temperature is just perfect for this weather. Also it is not very deep and there are hardly any waves." she says with a small smile, she must have really enjoy it. "What happened to you?" looking at my wet hair and the fact tha I'm shirtless.

"Oh, nothing. I just got too hot, so I poured a bottle of water on me" I kind of lie and just add so she doesn't get the _right _idea. "The sun is very bright."

"You should've come with me into the ocean, to freshen up." she adds.

No, I couldn't because the reason I'm hot is you, not the stupid sun. "No, because then all the food might have disappeared by the time we got back" I say with a smile.

"But now that you are back I might take a plunge, just to cool myself. I'll be right back, so we can eat." I don't let her answer and I practically run to the ocean and submerge myself.

Once in the water I take my cock out and grab it in my hand. It is not like I've never masturbated in a tub. The ocean is just a big tub and right now I don't have any other option or a lot of time. I let my mind run wild with all the fantasies I've been holding up all morning.

I concentrate on Katniss and how it would feel to kiss her breasts and squeeze them. Meanwhile I wrap my fingers around my shaft, pumping it.

I think on how it would feel for Katniss to be holding my member like this. I move my left fingers around the base of my cock and I use my right hand to pump even faster the upper half of my erection.

I'm getting closer to cum. I was already so hard all morning. I fantasize of making the Girl on Fire moan while playing with her nipples and eventually making love to her. I imagine her screaming my name in pleasure and with that I manage to finish.

I stay in the water a bit longer just for good measure and to make sure I'm in control.

* * *

Katniss POV

After my swim, I walked back to where Peeta was only to find him shirtless and wet. He said it was because he was too hot from the weather.

I agree, but only in the hot part.

I've seen Peeta shirtless before, in the arena I almost saw him naked. But he was sick then, almost dying and I was worried that something might kill us in any moment.

Now, however, I can fully appreciate his body and _damn! _Peeta is _hot! _ There is no other way to describe him. His chest looks like somebody craved him. I know he is strong, but now he looks so strong. And his abs! How is it possible that every single muscle is shown? His six packs is just unbelievable.

The most surprising part is that I find myself craving his touch. I want to feel those muscles with my hands and my body, all around me. With this in mind, the flames and the hunger that I'm becoming so familiar with, appear again.

He decides to go to the ocean and cool himself. I put my dress back on. Then I sit on the towel and watch him go, marveling at his legs. His _very strong_ legs. Also I can't help noticing that the shorts he is wearing make his ass look delicious, how would it feel to bite it?

What! His ass looks delicious and I want to bite it! What the fuck am I thinking of?

I have never been one to think of boys. I don't want to get marry nor have kids. I don't want to fall in love like my mother, to be that vulnerable. I never want to have my heart so broken that I stop functioning.

I never want to have to watch my kids being Reaped and watch them being forced to kill each other. That has been my way of thinking all my life! Then why the hell am I fascinated about Peeta's ass?

Ok, let's get some facts straight. I like Gale. Well, I don't want to lose Gale. He is my best friend and I need him with me. The idea of not having him hurts me very deeply. The kisses he gave me were very nice. But am I in love with him? I have no idea.

I like Peeta. He is very nice and we have been through a lot of things together. We have to keep spending time with each other. I enjoy my time with him. I like the boy with the bread and idea of not being with him makes me sad.

Also the kisses we've shared, at least in the cave and right now were amazing and left me wanting more. And I'm fantasying about his hot body. Ok, I'm attracted to him, but do I love him? Again, I have no idea.

Damn, this is so confusing! I put my face in my hands in frustration, and this is how Peeta finds me.

"Katniss, are you ok? What's wrong?" he asks in a worried tone.

I look up at him. His blond hair is still wet and some locks fall on his eyes. The water makes his skin sparkle at the sun light. My jaw drops. _Wow. _He looks just _wow. _How come I never realized how handsome he is?

"Nothing's wrong. I just wish Prim could see this." I manage to say. That is a perfect and not so wrong excuse to find me like this.

"I know I imagine she would really enjoy this." he says and gives me a quick caring hug. "So, how about that lunch?"

We eat almost in silence, until he asks me how I learn to swim. Right, he must be wondering about that.

"There is a small lake deep in the woods. You have to hike almost 3 hours to get to it. My father used to take me there; there are water birds that are easy to hunt. Also the place is really beautiful. He taught me there to swim. It is been a while since I've gone there though. I prefer to hunt closer to the district." I tell him. Also I don't like going there because it reminds me a lot of him and how much I miss my father.

"Maybe someday, you could show it to me. I would like to see it." he says.

"Yes, someday I'll take you." I promise him. Although, I doubt that day will come. If we don't succeed in this tour, we will all end up death before I can show it to him. A knot of concern squeezes my stomach.

"What are you thinking? You are frowning, and you only do that when you are worried." he says.

He really seems to know me very well. I don't like it very much. I don't like that he can read me and tell what I'm thinking. I hate it when Gale does it.

"I'm concerned about the result of this tour; there is so much at stake. Also I wish we could stay here longer. I'm not looking forward to the visits to District 1 and 2." I say.

He moves closer to hold me and comfort me. "I know, but I think it will all work out. We've been doing a good job on the tour I believe. Let's not worry ourselves with what might happen. Let's just try our best to calm things down. And about 1 and 2 I will be at your side all the time. Before we know it, we will be back at 12."

He leans in and kisses me. It is a very sweet kiss. He gives me another one on the forehead. And then just holds me.

I'm very aware that he is still bare chest. The hunger I feel for him starts demanding my attention. I press my lips against his with a little urgency. I don't want to think, and this is a great way of not thinking.

He returns the kiss with passion. I want to touch every part of his body. We fall backwards and I fall on top of him. Things are beginning to heat up, when I hear an "Hmm, hmm." behind me.

I get up, and I feel the deep blush starting to spread on my face. I turn around and I find Haymitch staring at us. The embarrassment is quickly replaced by annoyance.

"Sorry to interrupt the make out session kids, but the train is fixed and it's time to go." he says.

I blush again and I start storming back to the train, but he grabs me by my arm.

"Just a minute, sweetheart. Let me give you a friendly warning. You know very well that the Capitol is always watching. The train has probably hidden cameras and bugs. And unless you want to give President Snow a private XXX show, I would suggest you leave the second part of this lovely encounter for when you get back home." he says and lets me go.

I walk back to the train alone. Peeta stays to pick our stuff up and talk to Haymitch. I get to my room and I take a long shower. By the time I'm done, its midafternoon and the train is back on the move. I look out my window and watch my little beach disappear behind us. My little break is over; I'm back in the games.


	5. Chapter 5: The Capitol

Real or not real?

**The last part of the Victory Tour. I switch between Peeta /Katniss and Gale's POV. Next chapter things will become hotter. **

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in the following story. They all belong to Suzanne Collins and her Hunger Games trilogy.**_

_Chapter 5: The Capitol_

Peeta POV

I'm in the shower. I left Katniss' room, well _our _room, twenty minutes ago. We have kept our little routine of sleeping every night together, just sleeping our encounter at the beach nothing has happened. She took Haymitch's warning very seriously and I respect her decision.

I'm not exactly excited by the idea of showing our private moments to President Snow, myself; and like Haymitch told me, after Katniss left for the train, I shouldn't give him any more tools to blackmail us. Haymitch said he always suspected Katniss felt something for me, and if given the right situation she would discover it too. I must admit I was ecstatic about that.

But Snow thought she was faking it, like I did before the day at the beach. If Snow found out about the sincerity of Katniss' feelings, he might use me against her. We should never let that happen. So since the beach we have kept it all very PG13. Some kisses on the check at night, friendly hugs and holding hands on the train and that's it.

Even though we sleep in the same bed, where the proximity of her body next to mine makes me go crazy and all I think about is ripping her clothes off and making love to her, I behave like a gentleman. I just hold her in my arms and drive her nightmares away.

I haven't told her I love her again. I don't want to scare her off. I have tried to talk to her about what that day on the beach meant to her but we know the train is not safe, and we are hardly ever alone for more than a couple of minutes on the visits to the districts.

We will be arriving at the Capitol in a few hours for the final part of the Victory Tour. Then we are back in District 12 for a few last protocol events. I will finally be able to talk to her there, although I'm scared of what she might say.

The appearances in Districts 1 and 2 were very difficult, just like she predicted. She killed herself district's 1 tributes, Marvel and Glimmer. She also shot, even if it was out of mercy, District's 2 Cato and it was because of her that Thresh killed Clove.

It was very hard for her to see their families and to smile like everything was just charming. She was clearly distressed, but I was there for her. I never let go of her hand and I tried to attract all the attention to myself. Answer all the questions the reporters asked and make the small talk with the important individuals of each district. Everything I could, so they would leave her alone.

The banquets were particularly tricky. Cato was very popular in District 2. We had to meet several of his friends in one of the dinners. They were less than nice, to say the least. All of them had very nasty personalities, just like Cato. They were very upset not only that Cato didn't win, but because he was defeated by two tributes of district 12.

These people were particularly skeptic about our relationship. They never believed that Katniss feelings were real. They were certain that she used the lover's card to win. They were right of course, but now we had to prove them wrong which was proving very challenging.

Even though here, there was no obvious discontent towards the Capitol (1 and 2 have always been the Capitol favorites and received privileged treatment) no tension or whisper of rebellion, it was very important to act our part better than ever because they were openly disbelieving of our relationship. If their suspicion spread to other districts or the Capitol it would be very dangerous.

Also since they televised at least a resume of each affair to the rest of Panem, we could reinforce the idea of our relationship in the other districts.

We tried everything we could think of. Public displays of affection, loving words to each other when we knew people were hearing, tender speeches, etc. For me it wasn't all pretending. I did try to demonstrate her how much I love her. Every show of affection was filled with true emotions.

But the way I showed it was the fake part. I believe that if we were in a real relationship back home, I might not be as corny and showy. I am more of a tender guy but I'm not fond of such extravagant public displays.

I finish my shower and my loyal prep team enters to get me ready. Phoenix, Olga, and Aelios start chatting immediately. They are very excited to be arriving at the Capitol. This trip has been one of the highlights of their life. It is the first time they are able to attend such fancy soirees and treated in a VIP style.

Phoenix, a tall asian man with a purple mohawk, begins to fix my hair; while Olga, a small dark skinned woman with shocking bubblegum pink hair and feathers on her eyelashes, complains about the dark circles under my eyes and tries to cover them up.

Finally Aelios, a bald white male with blue tattoos decorating his scalp, helps Portia with the final touches to my first outfit.

Finally 20 minutes before arriving to the Capitol, I'm ready. I'm wearing modern Capitol casual-wear. The trousers are dark chocolate and are matched with a white shirt and a black leather vest with the buttons on the left side.

I meet Katniss and her team on the dining room. She looks very pretty with a white short dress that looks like it is made of individual squares of glass. She is wearing her hair down and wavy. She has hardly any make up on. If I didn't know better I might think that this girly girl is incapable of killing a fly, let alone start a revolution. I only hope it will work.

Haymitch and Effie join us. Effie is wearing a canary yellow wig today. She congratulates Cinna and Portia for their superb work on us, and then she gives us the final details of the schedule for this day.

We arrive at the Capitol; there is a crowd in the train station waiting for us. We wave then from the window. I can't help to remember the train ride that first brought us to the Capitol before the Games. I waved the people that time too, in the hope to get some sponsors to keep Katniss alive. This time we both wave in hope they believe us and again we can save each other.

The prep teams, Cinna, Portia and Effie get off the train first. Haymitch holds us up a minute.

"Remember kids, this is our last chance to make this work. The events here will be transmitted in all of Panem and they will be mandatory to watch. This is the final opportunity to convince those who might still be doubtful. Now hold hands and let me see the love." he whispers in our ears, spanks playfully both of us and leaves the train.

"Ready?" I ask Katniss. "No, but let's do it." she answers and place her public smile on.

We get off the train and an adoring crowd greets us. Then we start the procession of receptions, addresses, parades, and speeches all throughout the Capitol. We take photos with celebrities and public figures. We accept presents and act in love.

Finally after an exhausting day we arrive back to our old quarters in the Training Center. We have a light supper; we are bloated of eating all day long. Effie and Portia retire early to their accommodations.

Cinna, Haymitch, Katniss and I stay in the living room assessing the situation. I am optimistic, but apparently I'm the only one. Cinna is skeptic, he is not sure we have done enough. Haymitch is Haymitch so he is sure we have convinced very few. I start to get upset.

"Look kid, I'm not trying to get you down but look it from the other side. If you saw the games on the T.V. and believed that everything was a ruse, would you be assured otherwise by just watching each other kiss on a stage?" he asks.

I'm about to answer him: yes, if I felt the feelings were real, but Katniss beats me to it.

"No, I would think that it was all staged by the Capitol and that the moment the cameras disappear it would fall apart. I would need a more definite proof." she answers and looks concerned.

I look sad and say, "So that's it? It is over, we give up?" I look at Katniss, no it can't be over. I will protect her no matter what. She is staring to the opposite wall, like she wasn't paying attention or was lost in thought.

"No it's not over, you still have the Capitol, and here you have your biggest and more loyal fans. They adore you; use them to convince the rest or at least the people who matter." Cinna says and gives us a look that means 'President Snow'.

"Cinna is right, let's think. Peeta you always have great ideas, do any come to mind?" Haymitch says.

"Well maybe tomorrow at the ball, we could..." I start but Katniss interrupts me.

"We should get married." She voices. What? Get married? Is she serious? I'm stunned but she continues. "That would make the people of the Capitol go crazy, the happy ending they want and maybe a commitment like that would satisfy the rest of the Districts."

"Wow, sweetheart I'm impressed, who know you could have good ideas that don't involve shooting things with a bow" Haymitch comments. Then turns and looks at me with a little concern in his eyes. "What do you think, kid?" he asks.

What do I think? I would love to marry Katniss; it's all I want, to spend my life with her, but not like this, not for _them. _I turn and look at Katniss.

"What? Are you proposing, sweetheart?" I asks imitating Haymitch tone, to show her I'm not happy, buy that I'm not ready to refuse her either.

"I don't think so. What's the point here where no one can see? Let's do a public proposal, tomorrow during the interview with Caesar. Also I think it would be better if you did it, that is after all the traditional way to do it." she answers.

What? She is completely serious! Did she just come up with the idea? Or has she been thinking about it?

I don't know what to do. I would die of happiness if we were married, but the way she is suggesting it! It is evident that for her this is just part of the show, another appointment to fulfill. Her heart is not in this, she seems like a robot.

I still haven't said anything, and Haymitch stares at me, but says nothing.

"Peeta, it is a good idea. Katniss is right. The people from the Capitol will go crazy with it, will there is a big chance to reach the disbelievers in the districts." Cinna says.

I know it is a very good idea; you don't need to tell me that. Who knew that Katniss finally learned how to work the media to her advantage? That is not my problem, my problem is that I really love her; I want to marry her in reality not pretending!

Haymitch still stares. "Haymitch?" I beg him. I know he can tell why I'm conflicted.

"They are right kid; it is our best chance to fix this once and for all. As sweetheart here says, it's the happy ending _everybody _is hoping for." he replies and the way he says everybody I think he means me.

So, this is it? My best chance to keep Katniss with me is to make her stay with me through an arranged marriage? My heart aches with this idea. But this is not the time to think this. I said I would do anything in my power to protect Katniss, and if I have to marry her, I'll do it.

"Ok, fine I'll do it. Tomorrow night during the interview I will propose to Katniss. Cinna could you get me a ring? And Haymitch make sure Caesar asks us about our future, so I use that as my cue." I say and I get up. "Excuse me, it's been a long day and I'm tired. Good night." and I leave to my room.

I put on a pair of pajamas and I lie on the bed. I'm going to marry Katniss Everdeen. But it won't be real. It will be a staged marriage, not out of love. Well, that is not entirely true. I do love her. I really, truly, deeply love her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Now I'm going to get my wish. I should be happy, but all I feel is sadness.

But I would like for her to love me back, that it was real for her too. I know she is attracted to me, as she proved that day on the beach. She likes sleeping with me. Well, maybe with time she will fall in love with me too and then we could have a real toasting. With this on my mind I fall sleep. Tonight Katniss does not come looking for me.

* * *

Katniss POV

I'm lying in my bed, the idea of sleeping discarded completely. Without Peeta the nightmares hunt me. Instead I'm trying to think when did my life got so complicated?

All I ever wanted was a normal life in District 12, to be able to feed my family. I never wanted marriage or kids.

I was happy with my simple life, happy in my small Seam's house with Prim. I enjoyed going hunting with Gale and trading at The Hob. I always feared of the Hunger Games, but I never in my wildest dreams imagine being sent to one, even less winning.

Now I'm miserable. I live in a huge house in the Victors Village. I'm rich and I'll never have to worry again on how to feed my family. I have nightmares every night and I'm in greater danger than I was in the arena.

Tomorrow I will get engaged to Peeta. I will have to marry him, and my simple life will be over forever.

Haymitch is not right. I couldn't do a lot worse; quite the opposite, Peeta is the best I could aspire to. He is kind, tender, funny, and handsome and he cares for me. Still, being thrown into a marriage I don't want, however great the groom is, is like a sentence to me. I'm being robbed of my freedom and the opportunity to choose my future.

However, if this is the price to pay to keep everybody safe, then I will pay it. I wonder how my family will take it. I know Prim adores Peeta, my mom is just happy we kept each other alive and Gale... My supposed cousin Gale..._My Gale..._

I'm even denied of that...I won't have the opportunity to find out what my feelings are for him. I will have to live with Peeta, pretend to be happy with Peeta and Gale will have to always be my "cousin".

I try to think of something else, but all I can think about is him. The time we kissed. It's true; it didn't feel the same when I kissed Gale than when I kissed Peeta on the beach. There was no hunger, no fire.

But I can't imagine my life without Gale. I know he has feelings for me, I don't want to hurt him and I know I will. Tomorrow he will be hurt when he sees me promise myself to another man.

How mad will he get? I hope he can forgive me one day and realize I did it in order to protect him. Eventually he will get over me, maybe meet another girl and even get married. That idea breaks my heart. No! Gale is mine, he has always been mine.

Tears start falling down my cheeks. There is no one here to comfort me. No Peeta tonight, and as of tomorrow there will be no Gale either...

* * *

Peeta POV

I have been avoiding everybody today, especially Katniss. I'm still a little upset and I don't want to say something I will later regret.

I asked to have breakfast in my room. My prep team got me ready for the public appearances we had scheduled during the morning. We had to attend a garden party and then have tea at the mansion of one of the richest man in the Capitol.

Then we returned to the Training Center to get ready for the interview with Caesar. After the interview we have a final ball at the mansion of President Snow himself; the biggest event of the whole tour. When it is over we will finally be able to return home.

As soon we arrived to the Center, I escaped to the roof. I know nobody will bother me here. Katniss will need extra time to get ready. It is an important event after all. Cinna finds me here after a while. He hands me a velvet box. I open it.

A beautiful ring rests on it. It's made out of white gold with a diamond shaped like a flower gently placed where the borders of the ring meets.

"Thanks Cinna, it is perfect." I tell him.

"I'm glad you like it, Peeta. I know this is not your ideal situation, but take advantage of it. I know you two belong together. Maybe when this all calms down, _both _of you will realize that. Do you know what you are going to say?" he says squeezing my shoulder.

"Yes, I have an idea. It won't be acting for me tonight." I say.

"I know you'll be great. She will realize her feelings soon enough don't worry." he says.

"Thanks again Cinna, for everything. Because of your help we're still alive." I say to him sincerely.

"My pleasure. Now, let's go and get you and Katniss ready. The show is about to start." he says and we leave the roof.

* * *

Gales POV

The last couple of weeks have redefined my definition of torture. Physical pain is nothing compared of the stabs I feel in my chest every day when we are forced to watch the stupid Victory Tour.

I thought it had been bad enough to watch Katniss and the bread boy in the games. But to have to watch them act as the perfect couple in love with each other, is killing me slowly.

Some of the must observant people of 12 or maybe just those who knows us better, like Greasy Sae, have some sympathy towards me. She knows how hard it is for me all this.

But I must be strong; I know it's not her fault. All she did was to try to survive and this was the best option. She came back alive and that is all that matter. Besides, this stupid tour is almost over. In a couple of days she will be back at 12 and she will be all mine. We will go to our woods like every Sunday and nobody will bother us there.

Tonight there is a special broadcast, mandatory of course. I decide to watch it with Katniss' family. My mom is always fussing about Katniss, trying to make me feel better, and only making me feel worse. My brothers are no help either, but the worst one is little Posy.

She always considered Katniss to be my girlfriend so she gets very upset, almost as much as I am, every time she sees her with the bread boy. She won't stop talking about it, either to say bad things about both of them or try to justify them.

I rather not talk at all; that's why I like Katniss' house. Her mom never talks too much and Prim understands me. So we can all watch the programs in silence.

I arrive 10 minutes early. Prim greets me with a hug. "Hi Gale, I'm glad you came." she says and smiles.

"Sure little duck, I wouldn't miss it." I say sarcastically. She laughs at Katniss' nickname for her.

"I miss her, but she will be home soon." she says. I just mess her hair up and walk in.

"Hello Gale, there is some dry fruit on the table. Also there is some stew left, would you like some?" Katniss' mother asks. She is always trying to feed me. I guess she feels guilty for escaping the hunger and poverty must of us are slaved of.

"Yes, please Mrs. Everdeen. Thanks." I reply. I know Katniss would be angry with me if I refused.

They serve me the food and while I eat the special programming start. The anthem of Panem begins to play and a review of the history of the Rebellion precedes the actual broadcast.

I'm almost done eating, when a reporter starts narrating the highlights of the Victory Tour and the events that have taken place in the Capitol. I see Katniss in the different events. She looks weird, very beautiful but weird.

They keep dressing her in girly dresses with her hair down or in elaborate hairdos; always wearing make-up. I guess they are going for the innocent look. But that is not Katniss. They are making her something she is not. She is perfect the way she is. One more reason to hate the Capitol, they even changed the girl I love.

Finally they announce that they have a special interview with the Star- crossed lovers from District 12 live with Caesar Flickerman outside the Training Center.

Caesar appears on stage and the stupid crowds of the Capitol cheer him. He is still wearing his hair, eyelids and lips blue. I will never understand the Capitol's fashion. It is so ridiculous. He makes a few jokes and then introduces Katniss and the bread boy.

She is wearing an elegant silver dress with a purple jacket. He is wearing a matching silver suit with a purple jacket as well. I hate how good they both look together.

They greet Caesar and the crowds start screaming like crazy. They snuggle together in a couch. Caesar begins the interview and they answer what appears like an endless list of questions, but they respond very smoothly to all of them.

I get up to drop my plate in the kitchen and grab a glass of water. When I return I hear Caesar ask more questions.

"Marvelous, I love having you here as my guests." he laughs then gets serious. "But now tell me my dear Peeta, what's next for our two favorite victors? What does the future holds for you and the lovely Katniss?" he asks.

"Well, Caesar I'm very glad you asked. Actually I have been wanting to ask Katniss about that myself and–" Peeta gets up, takes a velvet box out of his pocket and gets down on one knee.

_No way, not possible, he can't be proposing, not on T.V. on the night all of Panem is watching. No..._

"Katniss Everdeen, I have been in love with you since we were five years old. This lasts months with you have been the best of my life. I made a decision at the end of our Hunger Games and my feelings have not changed. I would rather die this instant than ever live without you. I promise to always make you happy and protect you. You own my heart. So I beg you would you please grant me the honor of becoming my wife?" the bread boy pronounces while taking Katniss hand and opening the box, reveling a diamond ring.

The crowd of the Capitol is collectively holding their breath; they show in a parallel shot how they all are in the edge of their seats. Caesar is even gasping and holding his face with his hands.

Katniss gets up and says "Yes!" just once then throws herself into Peeta's arms, smiling and even crying of happiness. Peeta puts the ring on her finger, while she appears speechless and then they kiss. They kiss like they never kissed before in front of the cameras.

I'm stunned and all wet. I can't remember when I dropped the glass of water. There are small glasses everywhere; I guess it shattered against the floor.

The next series of events seem fussy to me, like a bad dream out of tune. Caesar is screaming and jumping up and down hugging Peeta and Katniss. The crowd is wild, not only at the Capitol but all throughout Panem. People scream and cheer and act ridiculously happy.

Meanwhile I'm more miserable than ever. I can't believe that was real, she said yes, and it looked like she meant it. They are getting married. She chose him. I lost her. She is not mine anymore. With a single word she rejected me and broke my heart.

My feet obey before my mind even commands it. I leave the house running, I just hear a weak yell from Prim but I don't stop. I don't go home, and it is one of those rare occasions were the fence is electrified so I can't escape to the woods. I end up in Katniss' old house at the Seam.

I sit in her old bed and I hug my chest. It feels like it's empty, like someone carved it open and took out my heart and lungs. I'm having trouble catching my breath. I yell in frustration against the pillow and I lie there until morning.

I get up a little confused. Then I remember what happened and my chest aches again. The pillow is a little wet, I must have cried in my sleep. When you lose the most important person in your life, tears are inevitable. I wash my face in the kitchen sink.

I can't let this depression rule my life. I still have four mouths to feed. I burry my emotions and I go to the mines. Maybe the work might distract me. On my way there I make a decision, if this is what she wants, I'll accept it.

I have a new purpose today. I will leave all my feelings down in the mines and when I get out, I will start getting over Katniss Everdeen.


	6. Chapter 6: The cottage

Real or not real?

**Ok, so in this chapter things get very complicated for the characters. I have to admit I used a lot of lines of the original "Catching Fire". I did it because I believe they reflect picture-perfect what I wanted to happen, and why change something that is already perfect? I add it to give the story more sense and continuance. But don't worry I did added a very nasty scene. Hope you enjoy it! **

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or some of the lines in the following story. They all belong to Suzanne Collins and her Hunger Games trilogy.**_

_Chapter 6: The cottage_

Katniss POV

It's a cold misty morning in the woods. It's the Sunday morning right after my return to District 12 after the Victory Tour. I leave a leather bag filled with food and a flask of hot tea along with a pair of fur-lined gloves that Cinna left behind, in the boulder in my meeting place with Gale. Then I leave some twigs, broken from the naked trees, lying in the snow, pointing in the direction traveled so he can follow me.

I desperately need to talk to Gale, and our usual spot might be compromised. So I'm leading him to my father's lake. There is an old cottage on the edge where we can talk with a little more privacy I believe.

I'm not sure he will show up, though; but I really hope he does. I owe him an explanation, to say the least, and I really need my confident right now. I need my best friend to help me figure things out.

On my hike to the lake I go over the events of the last week.

After my engagement with Peeta at Caesar's interview, President Snow himself made a surprise visit to congratulate us. He clasped Peeta's hand and gave him an approving slap on the shoulder. He embraced me, enfolding me in the smell of blood and roses, and planted a puffy kiss on my cheek.

When he pulled back, his fingers still digging into my arms and his face smiling into mine, I dared to raise my eyebrows. They asked what my lips can't. Did I do it? Was it enough? Was giving everything over to you, keeping up the game, promising to marry Peeta enough?

He shook his head, and my world crumbled. So, that's it. The game is over and I lost.

I keep my smile on and act like everything is ok. I must not fall down just yet. I don't want to worry Peeta. Now I have to figure out a way to get my love ones out of harm's way and fast.

After the interview we attend the feast at the President's Manor. We dance and mingle with the powerful of the Capitol. I'm disgusted by their costumes, the way they eat and throw up just to keep eating. They encourage gluttony while the rest of the country dies of starvation.

Besides my repulsion against their behavior, another strange event caught my attention. Plutarch Heavensbee, the new Head Gamemaker asks to dance with me. Then he starts bragging about how busy he is planning this year's Quarters Quell. Thank you, another reminder that I will never get rid of the Hunger Games. This time I have to return as a mentor, well if Snow doesn't kill me first.

Almost at midnight he excuses himself because he has a 'secret meeting' and he shows me a gold watch with a long chain out of his pocket that has a mockingjay printed on the crystal.

This fact alone is not that estrange; my pin has become the most fashionable icon in the Capitol. The estrange part was that the second he touched the crystal it disappeared. It was like he wanted me to see it, but only me.

We only stayed half an hour more and then finally left the Capitol and returned to district 12. The return was uneventful. I slept in Peeta's arms almost the whole trip. For the first time in months I didn't have nightmares. Maybe I was just exhausted, physically and mentally.

Back at 12 we had the Harvest Festival and a dinner at Mayor Undersee's manor. I liked the dinner this time, I knew some of the guests and I had the opportunity to hang out with my friend Madge. I could have had a very nice time, if my mind wasn't somewhere else.

While I was getting ready, I stumbled into the Mayor's study and found out, in the Mayor's personal T.V that District 8 was in full uprising.

A very serious reporter warns that conditions are worsening and a Level 3 alert has been called. Additional forces are being sent into District 8, and all textile production has ceased. There are mobs throwing bricks with homemade masks. The buildings of the main square are burning and the Peacekeepers shoot into the crowd, killing left and right.

All this information is making my head hurt. I need to talk to someone, and the one I trust the most is Gale.

* * *

I keep hiking until finally an hour and a half later I reach the old cottage. Well, more like an old room than a real cottage. It is made out of concrete about twelve feet square. Only one of four glass windows remains, wavy and yellowed by the pass of time. There's no plumbing and no electricity, but the fireplace still works and there's a woodpile in the corner that my father and I collected years ago. There is also an old rusty bed and a chair in the corner.

I start a small fire, counting on the mist to obscure any telltale smoke. While the fire catches, I sweep out the snow that has accumulated under the empty windows, using a twig broom my father made me when I was about eight and I played house here. Then I place an old sheet on the bed and I sit on it and wait for Gale.

I don't have to wait long for him. He is an excellent tracker and he finds me rather quickly. A bow slung over his shoulder, a dead wild turkey he must have encountered along the way hanging from his belt.

He stands in the doorway as if considering whether or not to enter. He holds the unopened leather bag of food, the flask, Cinna's gloves. Gifts he will not accept because of his anger at me. I know exactly how he feels. Didn't I do the same thing to my mother?

I look in his eyes. His temper can't quite mask the hurt, the sense of betrayal he feels at my engagement to Peeta. This will be my last chance, this meeting today, to not lose Gale forever. I could take hours trying to explain, and even then have him refuse me. Instead I go straight to the heart of my defense.

"President Snow personally threatened to have you killed," I say.

Gale raises his eyebrows slightly, but there's no real show of fear or astonishment. "Anyone else?"

"Well, he didn't actually give me a copy of the list. But it's a good guess it includes both our families," I say.

It's enough to bring him to the fire. He crouches before the hearth and warms himself. "Unless what?"

"Unless nothing, not now anyway," I say. Obviously this requires more of an explanation, but I have no idea where to start, so I just sit there staring gloomily into the fire.

After about a minute of this, Gale breaks the silence. "Well, thanks for the heads-up."

I turn to him, ready to snap, but I catch the glint in his eye. I hate myself for smiling. This is not a funny moment, but I guess it's a lot to drop on someone. We're all going to be obliterated no matter what. "I do have a plan, you know."

"Yeah, I bet it's a stunner," he says. He tosses the gloves on my lap. "Here, I don't want your fiancé's old gloves."

"He's not my fiancé. That's just part of the act. An act that was meant for all our protection specially yours. And these aren't his gloves. They were Cinna's," I say.

"Give them back, then," he says. He pulls on the gloves, flexes his fingers, and nods in approval. "At least I'll die in comfort."

"That's optimistic. Of course, you don't know what's happened," I say.

"Let's have it," he says.

"As I already told you once, the Capitol's not happy on how the Hunger Games ended. They hated my trick with the berries. That is why I had to keep pretending to be in love with Peeta. But that was not the end of it." I start.

I speak for what seems to me like hours. I tell him about President Snow's visit to my house, the murders in District 11, the tension in the crowds, Haymitch advices and warnings on how I'm under surveillance, the last-ditch effort of the engagement, the president's indication that it hadn't been enough, my certainty that I'll have to pay.

Gale listens to me attentively while he prepares us some food.

I watch his hands, his beautiful, capable fingers. Scarred, as mine were before the Capitol erased all marks from my skin, but strong and deft. Hands that have the power to mine coal but the precision to set a delicate snare. Hands I trust. I pause to take a drink of tea from the flask before I continue.

"Well, you really made a mess of things," he says. "I'm not even done," I tell him.

"I've heard enough for the moment. Let's skip ahead to this plan of yours," he says.

I take a deep breath. "We run away."

"What?" he asks. This has actually caught him off guard.

"We take to the woods and make a run for it," I say. His face is impossible to read. Will he laugh at me, dismiss this as foolishness? I rise in agitation, preparing for an argument. "You said yourself you thought that we could do it! That morning of the reaping. You said—"

He steps in and I feel myself lifted off the ground. The room spins, and I have to lock my arms around Gale's neck to brace myself. He's laughing, happy.

"Hey!" I protest, but I'm laughing, too.

Gale sets me down but doesn't release his hold on me. "Okay, let's run away," he says.

"Really? You don't think I'm mad? You'll go with me?" Some of the crushing weight begins to lift as it transfers to Gale's shoulders.

"I do think you're mad and I'll still go with you," he says. He means it. Not only means it but welcomes it. "We can do it. I know we can. Let's get out of here and never come back!"

"You're sure?" I say. "Because it's going to be hard, with the kids and all. I don't want to get five miles into the woods and have you—"

"I'm sure. I'm completely, entirely, one hundred percent sure." He tilts his forehead down to rest against mine and pulls me closer. His skin, his whole being, radiates heat from being so near the fire, and I close my eyes, soaking in his warmth.

I breathe in the smell of snow-dampened leather and smoke and apples, the smell of all those wintry days we shared before the Games. I don't try to move away. Why should I, anyway?

I love this feeling, it is like home, and I almost feel safe and sound.

He places his hand on my chin and pulls it up. He reaches down and touches mi lips with his very gently. I close my eyes and allow me to get lost in the kiss. Everything is so messed up, we could die any moment. He has never asked anything from me before, so why deny him this now?

His lips feel very soft and familiar against mine. I hate myself, but I can't help comparing him to Peeta. Peeta's lips feel more exciting though, like something new I want to discover. Thinking about Peeta right now makes me feel a kick in my stomach.

I feel my eyes watering. But I still don't break the kiss. I have hurt Gale so much I can feel all his pain and hurt in the kiss. He is trying to tell me how much he has missed me, how much I have wounded him. He tightens his grip on me. His left hand remains resting on my cheek while his right one travels down to my waist.

His tongue strokes my lips asking for entrance, I grant it to him. After all, I have a lot of making up to do. My tongue meets his in my mouth and the start massaging each other. This is a whole new experience, a very interesting one to that. He transfers his hand from my cheek to my hair to deepen the kiss.

I wonder why I allow him this. I think it is out of guilt. If it was the opposite situation, and he was the one who left, I would die of jealousy to see Gale with another girl. As I've said before he is mine, so that must mean I have some sort of feelings toward him. Maybe this way I can find out.

He presses me harder against him. He moves his mouth faster and I sense a kind of anguish behind his actions. I wait for the now familiar fire to arrive, but it doesn't come. I like the feeling of kissing Gale, but I don't feel hunger for him, or the need to get more of him.

My hands feel weird on my sides, so I rest them in the base of his neck and I play with his hair. I can't take Peeta off my mind or our daunting future, so I kiss him back fiercely in hope my mind will turn off.

He likes the response. He takes both our coats off and throws them on the ground. Then he picks me up and carries me to the bed. He trails my neck with his tongue and I put my head back to make it easier for him. His way of kissing now seems almost angry. He is rough, a big difference from sweet and tender Peeta.

He breaks up for a moment and I look into his eyes. He has very beautiful eyes, gray like mine, but they seem to keep secrets. He rubs gently with his finger the place where I usually frown, then trails it down touching my nose, lips and neck.

"I hated seeing you with him. It killed me every time he touched you. You are mine, you have always been mine and I have been yours" he says.

I know what he is thinking. He is thinking of all the caresses Peeta gave to me. He is jealous. And now like an animal he wants to prove I'm his. He kisses me again roughly, like he can't get enough, like if he takes a break I might escape.

Well maybe he is right about that, and perhaps this way I can convince myself if I am truly his.

I join in a little. I bite his lip in a possessive manner; I respond his roughness with my own. I'm desperate, I use all bottle up emotions and I turn his anguish. I embrace his back and I enjoy the feeling of his hard muscles under my fingers. All those years of hunting and working in the mines have served as an amazing workout.

He strokes my body and ventures his hand underneath my shirt. He runs his hand up and down my belly and I fight the urge to laugh. I'm quite ticklish at that area. I need to distract him. It doesn't take me long to get off his shirt. I use my fingers to trace the muscles of his torso and my lips find his skin.

I place myself on top of him. My mouth wanders his upper body, placing kisses and bites on my way. A sight of pleasure leaks out his lips.

His mouth demands mine once again while he grabs my inner thigh to turn me over and position himself back on top. His fingers play with the buttons of my shirt until they are all loose. Then he removes it entirely along with the bra.

He stops for a moment and beholds my naked self. I'm shaking a little at the way he marvels at my curves.

He gazes into my eyes and whispers "You are so beautiful, I love you".

I don't know what to answer. I don't want to lie, but the truth is so difficult; so instead I claim his lips once again and pray he infers his own answer.

I was right he seems happy by my reaction. That is all I want, for him to be safe and happy.

I feel him take my breasts into his hand and squeeze them. It feels very weird. Maybe I'm still too self-conscious. His lips replace his hands, and his tongue plays with my nipples. I shudder at his wet touch and let out an involuntary moan. I like the feeling of this. My back arches in response.

His hands continue their pursuit, until they reach the zipper of my jeans. His fingers try to quest their way inside my undergarments. I panic. I'm not sure how far I'm going to let him get, but while I ponder over the matter he undoes the zipper.

I can feel his erection against my leg and his rapid breathing against my neck. On one hand I feel a little proud, I like to know I can do that to him, I feel powerful; on the other I am very embarrassed. I don't know what to do or even if I want to do this. I'm scared and my hands freeze up and fall on to my sides.

But again he takes control, he catch my uncooperative hand and place it on top of his hardness. Who knew Gale was so rough and forceful? He groans with pleasure at my touch. I leave my hand there, not sure what else to do.

He finishes taking my pants off and trace circles on my thighs with his fingers. His breath becomes sharper so he close the space between us. His skin is on my skin, my nipples grazing his chest. I like the warm of it.

He begins to grind into me. I really like the feeling of hardness against my own parts.

He gets rid of the remainder barriers of clothes that separate us. I get a full view of his cock. He is completely hard and big, he is even throbbing. I can't help my curiosity and I touch it. He lets a very loud moan out.

Then it finally dawns to me the extent of what we are doing here. He moves his right hand down to the front of my underwear and grazes his thumb very gently over the material that is covering my most sensitive spots.

I'm so scared and alarmed. Normally my instincts work great under pressure; but this time I'm stuck. I don't know what to do or think or say so instead I just lie there like a corpse, unable to respond. He interprets my rapid breathing and lack of resistance as a sign of pleasure and removes my last piece of clothes.

He positions himself again on top of me and kisses me deeply. He pauses and looks into my eyes, asking for the first time for permission.

I'm still in shock. I don't know if I want to have sex with Gale. Hell, I don't know if I'm even ready to have sex at all. But I have let the situation get this far, it seems stupid to back away now.

And ready or not, I'm already having sex with Gale. Do I really want to stop him? And if I do, how the hell do I do it? Oh my God, oh my God… I start to hyperventilate.

"Oh God," escapes from my lips, but out of fright not arousal. But he interprets as a sign of pleasure, like he is responsible for my own urge. So he sucks on my bottom lip and seeks admission.

He parts rather easily my passive legs; I still have not regained control of my body, and he enters me in one swift motion. I gasp and moan, out of shock and horror. He can't enter me completely so he exits me.

"You like it, don't you?" he says and nibbles my ear, "you feel incredible, I love you so much, you are all I want." he gasps.

I'm a little moved by his words and I remember he is Gale, _my Gale, _and I try to relax. Maybe this isn't that bad. He readjusts his legs, lowering himself and eliminating the remaining space, and he penetrates me once again. My upper body is flush with his, skin to skin once more. I can feel his accelerated heartbeat.

He penetrates me once again, this time further in. It hurts like hell, like someone driving a knife into me and cutting me from inside out. I know why this is, I'm not wet enough since I'm in a state of shock not arousal. It's tougher for him to bury himself in me. I command myself: close your eyes, relax and it will be ok. It will be over soon.

He tries once more and I arch my back in pain. "Oohhh aaaa." I scream. He kisses me again wildly.

How can he not realize that he is hurting me? How can he mistake pain for desire?

I finally snap out of the numbness and I place my hands on his back and sink my nails for support. But again he misinterprets it and drives into me harder. I feel a terrible agony and I scream, then I place my hands on his chest and push him away. He finally feels the pressure and withdraws himself.

"What's the matter?" He asks.

"It hurts, it hurts a lot". I tell him. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize. I don't want to hurt you. Is this your first time? It is, right?" he says in short breaths.

"I haven't sleep with Peeta if that's what you're asking." I tell him a little upset he is still on top of me.

"Ok, well then it is supposed to hurt a little, but it will get better I promise." He says. "And how do you know? Have you've done it before?" I demand him

"No, but guys know these sort of things" he answer. I'm still not convinced with his stupid answer but he leans back down and enters me one last time while he holding my waist with one hand and kissing me a little more tender this time.

No, I can't take it. The pain is too much, worse than when I burned my leg in the Games. "No, stop." I tell him and this time, I manage to shove him off completely. I close my legs immediately. He collapses in the bed next to me.

"Ok fine, I'm sorry". He tells me. I look at him a see he is still very hard and filled with desire. I become conscious of the fact that we are both naked. I begin to blush. I feel so embarrassed. I got him all stiff and now I deny him a finish. Oh god. I begin to shiver. He notices how distressed I am.

"Come here" he tells me tenderly, he opens his arms to me and hugs me. "It's ok, everything is fine. Don't worry. I'm really sorry baby; I didn't know it would hurt you so badly, I never meant to hurt you, you know that right?" He reassures me and he kisses my forehead.

I'm still so embarrassed and shaking like crazy. I burry my face in his neck and reply in an undertone, "I know, and I'm sorry too."

"It ok, well grab the hang of it later on, after all practice makes the master." He comforts me.

I try to get up to get my clothes, I really don't want to be naked, but he just holds me tighter. "I'm cold" I tell him. He allows me to leave his side.

I start getting dressed quickly more self-conscious than ever. I throw his clothes back to him as I go along. He can't hide the disappointment of his face. But at least he is starting to go soft, so I'm no longer reminded of his penis.

Just when I believe I can't feel any worse I look at the bed and there is a blood stain on the sheet I placed earlier. I look at myself and discover I'm the one who bled.

I turn even redder. I'm blushing so bad. Can this get any worse?

* * *

Gale POV

I can't believe what just happened. I kind of had sex with Katniss. Ok yes, she backed down at the last minute, but she still didn't reject me.

She loves me, I know it now. Girls don't have sex for the first time, if they are not in love with the guy. It means more to them than to us boys. Well, it is usually like that. In my case I really love Katniss but even before I discovered that I already wanted her.

I'm really happy right now. She is choosing me after all. She wants to run away with me, leaving everything behind. She is not running away with the bread boy.

She just accepted to go along with the fake marriage to protect me, so she cares for me. I'm delighted about that fact. Although I would have preferred she had said no to the whole thing and just accepted to run away with me since the beginning, before the Games.

I really love this girl. I have been trying to cast my feelings away these past weeks, but I can't they run too deep.

And now here we are, at this God forsaken cottage. She kissed me back, she moaned when I touched her, she wanted me too. I finally got my feelings reciprocated. I can't erase the grin of my face, even though it is mixed with a deep feeling of disappointment.

She is so beautiful and hot. And ok, fair enough, it wasn't the beat sex ever, I didn't even get to cum, but they say the first time is always difficult. We need a little practice and then everything will be better.

I like that idea, now I will have the chance to practice all I want with her. I'm so happy, I don't even care the sex was bad, ok maybe a little disappointed, well a lot. But still I love her and she will make it up to me I'm sure of it.

I look at the blood on the bed. Wow, I think I did take her virginity at least. I like the feeling of that and at the same time I'm sorry I caused her pain. She must feel bad. I pull her close again and hold her in my arms. I look into her eyes.

"I'm really, really, sorry I hurt you." I tell her again "I promise I'll make it up to you. I love you."

"I know" is all she answers. She doesn't say I love you, back. I'm a little hurt to say the least. She knows it. I pull away but she grabs my hand. "I know! And you... you know what you are to me." she says in a panicked tone, but it's not enough, not anymore.

"That's the problem I don't know what I am to you." I tell her

"You are my best friend, my closest companion, my confident, my favorite person…" she tells me.

"But do you love me?" I ask her.

"I don't know" she finally answers looking away. She bites her lip.

"You don't know? Then why did you have sex with me? Out of pity? Just to see what would happen?" I say. My happiness has evaporated and now anger and sadness fills the void it left.

"No, of course not. I'm just confused. I… I'm not sure what my feelings are!" she says.

"What, confused? Confused of what?" I demand her. She is not sure she is in love with me? Well we have not properly dated, but we are closer than most couples in town.

What is she confused about? Then it dawns to me. She refers to the bread boy. "Don't tell me you have actual feelings for the bread boy?" No, this can't be happening! But of course, he always has to get in the way!

"Gale, I can't think about anyone that way now. All I can think about, every day, every waking minute since they drew Prim's name at the reaping, is how afraid I am. And there doesn't seem to be room for anything else. If we could get somewhere safe, maybe I could be different. I don't know. But right now all I care about is how to keep everybody safe!" she pleads with me.

"So, we'll go. We'll find out." I'm so frustrated. Just when I thought we were moving forward I find out we aren't. I feel crushed. But we still have to figure out how to save our families. "When do you want to run away?" I ask her.

"As soon as possible." She answers. "It will be a problem getting all the kids ready. But Haymitch he will be the real challenge."

What? How many does she wants to take? I start to realize what a romantic fool I've been. She doesn't want to run away together, she wants my help to get everybody out; she wants a hunting partner not a boyfriend. Someone to watch her back, not hold her hand. She already has the bread boy for that. I'm so stupid.

"What, Haymitch? He is coming too? Who else? The bread boy?" I ask sarcastically, surely she wouldn't take him, not after today.

"Yes, of course! I can't leave them behind! They would be surely tortured to find my whereabouts or just killed as punishment for my escape!" she answers. So, she is worried about the bread boy. What a moron I've been! Oh God, I can't believe this! I'm really angry now.

"I don't think Snow can afford killing the Capitols favorite lovers. Especially since the Capitol dogs expect a weeding" I spat at her.

"Well with an uprising in district 8 I hardly think Snow spends his days picking out my wedding cake!" She yells at me.

"What! There is an uprising at 8?" I ask her quieter. So, it's really happening maybe the revolution can come again and sort this country out.

"I don't know if it's a real uprising... There was tension in the streets..." She says looking away. I know there is more. I grab her shoulders and demand "what did you see?"

"Nothing! Not in person, anyway. I just heard something." she starts. She has always been a bad liar; she knows it too so she carries on defeated "I saw something on the mayor's television. I wasn't supposed to. There was a crowd, and fires, and the Peacekeepers were gunning people down but they were fighting back. ..." She says and bites her lip "And it's my fault, Gale. Because of what I did in the arena. If I had just killed myself with those berries, none of this would've happened. Peeta could have come home and lived, and everyone else would have been safe, too."

"Safe to do what?" I begin. I maybe a little unfair, she is in the middle of a conflict she never wanted to be part of, but I must make her understand. "Starve? Work like slaves? Send their kids to the reaping? You haven't hurt people—you've given them an opportunity. They just have to be brave enough to take it. There's already been talk in the mines. People who want to fight. Don't you see? It's happening! It's finally happening! If there's an uprising in District Eight, why not here? Why not everywhere? This could be it, the thing we've been—"

"Stop it! You don't know what you're saying. The Peacekeepers outside of Twelve, they're not like Darius, or even Cray! The lives of district people — they mean less than nothing to them!" she says almost crying.

"That's why we have to join the fight!" I answer harshly. Why doesn't she see it? "If we don't fight the families will still die!"

"No! We have to leave here before they kill us and a lot of other people, too!" She yells back.

"I won't leave, not now. I have a chance to fight and I'll take it. You go right ahead, leave with the bread boy, marry him and make Snow happy." I spat at her.

"Please, don't say that. How can I say myself and leave you behind?" She pleads one last time.

"Don't you see? It can't be about just saving us anymore. Not if the rebellion's begun!" I shake my head, not hiding my disgust to her. "You could do so much, you are not who I thought you were."

I turn and leave her there. Today was a disaster. For a moment there I saw ray of hope for us, we share a precious moment and then she casted it away.

She does have feelings for the bread boy. She slept with me out of pity. And she refuses her own importance in the revolution where she could make the difference. She would prefer to run and hide. She is selfish.

She broke my heart again. How many times has she done it already? How many times will she do it in the future?

I'm lost with my thoughts and before I know it I'm back at the fence. I cross it. I think I will sell the turkey to Cray, our head peacekeeper. This just goes to show how bad the system is. Hunting is illegal, a crime punishable with death, but the ones in changed to keep us starving are the firsts ones to call dibs on a prey like this.

Cray always pays well and I need all I can get right now since this turkey is all my game today thanks to Katniss.

I get to his house fifteen minutes later. I knock on the back door and I see someone looking out the rear window. I can't see who it is but I hold my pray high for him to see. Someone opens the door, but it is not Cray; it is someone else. A new peacekeeper with a shiny badge that only the head peacekeeper usually carries.

I'm in serious trouble...


End file.
